themattdaddy (themattdaddy) wrote,
themattdaddy
themattdaddy

Good things come to those who wait... or so I am told.

I am sort of frustrated in my ventures currently. I have recently initiated talks with the Air Force to round out my talks with all branches, and they seem to have the most reputable program and give the least crap to people. I must consider all options before making such a lasting decision at this point in my life. I have also come to the realization that I want so much more out of life. I want to have a job I love, have friends that I can depend on and fall head first into love with a person that I can just lose myself in and not care about how crazy in love I am. I want to feel again, I want to care. I never want to fall back to those apathetic days I formerly knew. I reflected recently on the past and noticed very clearly that the spectres of the past pay me no mind and therefore I should show them the same indifference. I acknowledge their presence, but ignore their pleas for attention. Life can truely drag you down if you allow it to. I understood this evening, in a slight epiphany, that many of the things I have done or said have been done for the sake of someone acknowledging my existence. I realized how pitiful it is to seek that and know that I must endeavor to find that within myself. I reflect and see how blessed I have been in the past and must use that strength for the future. How difficult it is to understand your own persistent lack of connectivity harder yet to overcome it. To understand that no link blinks when you are absent, almost discouraging. Honne Tatemai ...... Faux Front ....... Facade. Moving on..... Who knows. Why?
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